Oh Weddings, Weddings, Weddings...

Wedding Etiquette

Okay, so hopefully you walk down the aisle once (okay, maybe twice...), but more than likely you will attend quite a few more weddings in your life as a guest. And chances are, you may be asked to attend a wedding-associated function. While there is much less for a guest to do to get ready for a wedding, there is a great deal of etiquette that has to do with playing the role of guest well. It is so important. Mostly because we are southerners, and southerners love tradition and manners... at least we claim to. I tend to function from a different age and time in most of my etiquette mindset, despite what today’s worldview may be on this subject. So, if you are reading this, be prepared to be instructed in the ways of Emily Post more than say, Taylor Swift. There are a few areas where we, as guests at the wedding, may find ourselves a bit befuddled. So here are just a few of the classic wedding guest etiquette questions that should see you through the minefield.

RSVPing

No questions, no stalling: if you receive that invite in the mail and you are intending to go and or not go, depending on the request from the invitation – please, please, please – STOP – mark yes or no and put that probably pre-stamped envelope in the mail post haste. I mean, seriously, you know that bride is just on pins and needles waiting for those cards to show up.

And while we are on the subject of the invite – and this one gets asked often and abused often as well – most wedding invitations and guest lists have been carefully crafted and thought out. Parents’ guests, bride and groom’s guests – obligatory invites – it has all been pondered over for months. Negotiations have taken place. Quid pro quos on whether Dorothy,

grandma’s second cousin once removed, qualifies for the family row and thus an invitation. That girlfriend you loved in 6th grade but haven’t seen since.... well, 6th grade – no, maybe not. SO, that being said, whoever that invitation is addressed to... that is who is invited. No plus one, no children. Period.

Gifting

Every wedding invitation carries the obligation to give a gift. Ideally, you should send your gift

before the wedding, to either the couple (if they live together) or to the bride. You can also

mail it to the newlyweds within a month after they return from their honeymoon. (It's a myth that you have up to a year to give a wedding present.)

Usually, the bride has registered somewhere locally and perhaps online. (Brides, this one is for you: Under no circumstances are you to put where you are registered anywhere on your invitation.) Let guests know by word of mouth and on your wedding website. Be sure to tell your close family and wedding party where you are registered, as they will likely be asked.

The best registries have a mix of both prices and types of items, so as a guest, you will feel comfortable finding something in a feasible price range for you.

You have been invited to the grand affair and purchased that blender from the registry – mailed and sent. Whoops, you just got an invitation to a bridal shower... Another gift? Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Proper wedding gift etiquette states you need to bring a gift to both affairs, but that doesn’t mean the two gifts have to be equal in value. And ahhh, when you are invited to multiple showers... a third gift?

When invited to multiple showers, etiquette suggests bringing a gift to the first one and potentially a smaller token (like chocolates or flowers) or just a card to subsequent ones, or spreading your budget across events; typically, only very close friends/family attend multiple, and you're expected to give a shower gift and a wedding gift, with the shower gift being smaller/more personal, and the wedding gift for the couple.

And speaking of “showers..."

Those tricky pre-wedding parties... lots of fun, but there are a host of etiquette dilemmas involved at any given time. Are shower guests wedding guests? This one is a pet peeve of mine – do not ask someone to attend a shower where gifting is the main priority, and then not ask them to actually attend the main event. Seriously, aghast moment here. Anyone invited to a shower would be invited to the wedding. Perhaps one exception: when coworkers wish to throw an office shower for the bride, even though they are not being invited to the wedding. And I would suggest that this caveat only be applicable if you work in a larger

company.

Honestly, these are the issues that seem to cause the most anguish or are the most

abused... just remember, this is one of the most important days of the couple’s life, and the

honor and traditions that encompass most weddings truly are meaningful and special to most. As a guest, make sure you contribute to that in the simplest of ways – by showing

basic common courtesy in all interactions with the situation. Be the guest even Emily Post

would approve of.